A Definitive Resource for Success in Sex and Relationships
Often, “fantastic sex” is mistakenly believed to be defined only by physical performance, stamina, or technique. Popular culture, movies, and social media often promote the idea that great sex is about perfection, constant excitement, or unrealistic physical ability. In reality, great sex is far more complex, meaningful, and personal. It is an experience that creates a deep emotional and psychological connection between partners and is influenced by many important factors beyond physical ability alone.
There is no right or wrong way to define “fantastic sex.” It cannot be measured or compared by anyone else’s standards, and there is no single “correct technique.” To experience fulfilling intimacy, partners should feel safe, connected, desired, and respected.
While techniques may contribute, they can only be of value when you both understand what each other needs, wants, and feels emotionally and where your emotional and physical boundaries are. If you have a solid communication foundation and both know each other well, even the most technical techniques can lack an emotional connection. For a satisfying sexual experience, it’s key to create an emotional bond coupled with that physical relationship to enhance the experience.
This guide contains safe, healthy and realistic tips that can help build that emotional bond for couples seeking to improve their intimacy. The intention is to assist couples in developing long-term bonded intimacy, facilitating each person’s personal growth with realistic expectations of the sexual relationship rather than expecting short-term performance.
What is meant by the term "fantastic sex" is not following through on what a movie portrays, or to meet unattainable expectations created by society or peers. The portrayal of fantastic sex in movies is a fantasy, and doesn't take into account the emotional realities of real relationships, and therefore causes many couples unnecessary pressure to perform a certain way. Fantastic sex is created uniquely from the emotional connection between partners.
Communication is the bedrock of every type of relationship, including sexual relationships. Through communication, each partner can learn what the other desires, how they are feeling, what they fear, what their expectations are, as well as what they consider comfortable and acceptable in the relationship. When there is no communication in a sexual relationship (or any type of relationship), the two partners frequently make assumptions, leading to a breakdown of the relationship due to miscommunication or dissatisfaction.
When partners communicate about their desires, wants and needs (sexual and non-sexual), they generally are less anxious, and as such have more intimate emotional and physical connections with one another. The act of communicating builds trust, and when two partners trust each other, they are able to create a safe environment to pursue intimacy.
There are many elements of healthy communication, which include
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are interrelated. When both partners are emotionally safe (free from being criticized, pressured or feeling afraid), they feel less stressed and more able to relax and enjoy intimate moments with each other. When a partner feels emotionally safe with their partner, they feel more comfortable being vulnerable, which creates a greater emotional connection between both partners.
Building emotional intimacy can take several different forms. Some examples include spending quality time together, showing empathy when your partner has a tough time, supporting each other with each other’s goals, and showing affection both in and out of bed. All of these actions help to establish a strong emotional basis for each partner to develop a deeper physical connection.
Physical and mental health has a pronounced effect on sexual satisfaction. When we have both physical and mental health, it may create a positive and strong desire to become intimate, as well as provide the energy and emotional connection that is needed for intimate relationships. Although one must not be in perfect health, addressing the basic health maintenance and care for the body and mind will greatly improve your chances of being able to develop healthy intimate relationships.
In order to keep your physical health in good shape, you should:
Mental health is equally as important in fostering intimacy. Many people report lower levels of sexual desire and pleasure when stressed, anxious, fatigued, or emotionally exhausted. When this happens, the mind can become overwhelmed, making it difficult for someone to become fully engaged in intimacy.
By utilizing self-care methods, including relaxation techniques, mindfulness, physical activities, and/or seeking help when necessary, one can regain balance. Additionally, you will want to support your partner's health and wellness. The more a couple feels that they have physical and emotional support from one another, the stronger their intimacy will be.
Personal hygiene is vital for improving attraction, self-esteem, and comfort when engaging in intimacy. By remaining clean and fresh, a partner will be able to relax and focus more on connecting with another person instead of worrying about how they may smell or feel uncomfortable during the intimate act.
To create an enjoyable and comfortable intimate experience for both partners, you will want to:
Most of the external pressures that influence sexual activity come from unfounded assumptions or unreasonable standards. Some examples of those unfounded assumptions are:
Mistaken beliefs and assumptions result in unnecessary stress and low self-image and can damage relationships. In reality, no sexual act is the same. No individual performs perfectly every time, nor does desire remain constant. What truly determines the quality of a sexual relationship is not the level of performance or technical expertise but rather the strength of the emotional bond.
By letting go of unrealistically high expectations, intimacy becomes more playful, relaxed and, most importantly, true to you. When both of you determine your experiences based upon enjoyment rather than perfection, you will develop a greater sense of satisfaction from being intimate with one another.
You do not develop great intimacy overnight; it takes time to grow through shared experiences, communication and mutual understanding. The progression of a relationship is contingent upon how it has progressed and developed.
To grow intimacy, you need:
As individuals grow, so do their individual needs and desires. As a person's development progresses, the interests, needs, and wishes of that person are continually changing, making it important to work together in order to navigate these transitions. The possibility of even greater intimacy results from working through changes as they happen.
Satisfaction with long-term sexual relationships relies on a combination of balance between emotional security, mutual effort, and understanding and requires emotional connection, emotional security, and mutual effort. While the connection is most important, many couples report they are happier and more satisfied in their sexual relationships by creating intimacy through consistent positive feelings (both emotionally and physically), communicating on a regular basis throughout the relationship; dealing with issues as they come up instead of waiting until they become overwhelming; supporting each other during times of personal development; and making a conscious effort to spend quality time together relaxing and enjoying themselves.
The behaviours that create a foundation for consistent and long-lasting intimacy include:
Strong, positive emotional connections and performing certain behaviors together provide the foundation for building lasting intimacy between partners.
Creating intimate sexual relationships is not about one partner mastering any single behaviour or technique, but rather about the emotional connection that partners have created through effective communication, trust, shared respect, comfort, and support of one another. The emotional connection partners create adds depth and richness to the physical aspect of intimacy.
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